It's August and I'm in love.
Earlier this year, in March, I put it out there. I mean REALLY put it out there. The loss of an unborn life. The heartbreak. The “who am I” complex—you get the gist and not long after, I was officially out of words. I didn’t think I’d be out of words for forever but I really started to get worried. Chill your beans though, because I'm back and I'm in love.
Firstly, I’m in love with myself. People always say that the greatest relationship you can have is with you, and they—whoever they is—were right. There’s something pretty dope about putting your whole life on blast because with it, comes a certain self-acceptance that you wouldn’t necessarily get other wise.
Secondly, I’m in love with an absolutely babe of a human being that I occasionally parade on my Instagram Stories—sorry boo. If anything, he’s come into my life and made me love myself harder and in turn, I can give him that same energy. They call this reciprocation. I’d even say requited. And so life has panned out just like my friends told me it would. Time really does heal everything.
For the past few months, writing has been difficult for a few reasons. One: every time I look back at my old Tumblr it makes me feel sad. That was a very dark time for me and I’m not there anymore. It just doesn’t feel right, to write over these words, like you would just record another album over a cassette. So a new space was definitely in order. Two: I’ve been so fucking happy lately that I thought I couldn’t write about it, that sounds silly no? Not trying to buy into the whole “tortured artist” thing but low key I get it. Either way, I came to the realization that just because I'm happy and in love, it doesn’t mean I can’t talk about it. Especially when all I want to do is shout about it. So I think that’s where this is going, me being present.
What does this present look like then? Well, in a lot of ways I find myself at a parallel crossroads even though that makes no fucking sense. Here’s an example; one half of me is buying expensive shit for no reason and the half wants to save the world. Lol.
One half of me wants to start taking care of my body, while the other half is spending a good majority of the week in bars drowning in vodka gingers. Fuck. Note: this is not an admission of alcoholism. I’m just keeping it real with myself.
One half of me is showing some really fun shit on Instagram and the other half is sat at home worried about what’s next. But we’re only human. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I'm working on it, and I think you might be too. And that’s ok. Let’s not get too serious until September hits.